You know when everything is not fine? When someone says everything is fine. If someone says they are fine, or tells you that something you did was fine, run. Run like the wind.
For the last few months, I’ve had my everything-is-fine face and everything-is-fine reaction down to a science. I’ve always walked the earth with RBF (resting bitch face), but I do consider myself a friendly person.
Fine-and-deflect is the tactic for 2017. “How was your weekend, did you guys end up going to out to dinner?” Me: “It was fine co-worker person, and yours?”. Lather, rinse and repeat.
So far my blog posts are falling into two categories: State of Life At the Moment & The Life and Times of Marie Christine. Now, the State of Life At the Moment posts are not deliberately political, but given the current.. you know… world.. it’s nearly impossible to avoid. Reason for stating this: My blog is not intended to be political… but such is life at the moment.
As it were, everything is not fine.
I just heard that we are supposed to get an evil amount of snow over the next couple of days. As some of you know, and as my friend James recently put it… where I live we “go to war with winter” every year. We live in the city, on a very busy 3 lane road. That road has a sidewalk that we are required to maintain. That maintenance includes snow removal.
Picture a city with frequent multi-foot snowfalls. Picture a busy 3 lane city street. Picture gigantic state-owned plows for 12 hours straight putting snow from 3 lanes of roadway onto a sidewalk already covered in over a foot of snow. At times, the snow is over Not-Tom-Brady’s 6ft tall body. The snow is heavy, ice filled and almost immovable. We can’t hire anyone to deal with it, because there’s nowhere for them to put the snow. We go to WAR with this snow. Update: Our snow blower is broken. Not-Tom-Brady just went out to buy 3 shovels. My 14 year old daughter, or “the tall one” as I call her, will be shoveling as well. Welcome to the jungle baby…. Everything is fine.
When considering that DJT could leave this earth for the 5th circle of hell, leaving Mike Pence as the leader of the free world, I refer back to something my mother told me a couple of months ago that she’d heard somewhere else. “Donald Trump is the rapist and Mike Pence is the judge who let him go free.” This is obviously deeply disturbing, but at the same time, I think I’m ok with the judge if I have to pick between the two. That said, some of you might be familiar with this week’s latest real-news revelation that falls into the “everything is fine” wheelhouse.
Apparently VP Pence has been quoted as saying that he will not eat alone with any woman but his wife. He also avoids events that serve alcohol if his wife is absent. He cited his Christian Faith as the reason. Now… I’m not as versed in Christianity as some but I’m pretty sure that Christians are totally allowed to eat dinner with non-spouses and are definitely allowed to drink alcohol. It would seem that our potential future president is unable to control himself, sexually, when his wife is not present to police him. Sadly, I will still take “the judge” because “the rapist’s” impulse control is even worse. Everything is fine.
Paul Ryan. I expected more from you. Your existence used to give me hope that there was a chaperone at the frat party. Now, not so much. Duuuuuuuuuuuude COME ON. I had no idea that you would turn into this person, or is this who you always were? Everything is fine.
Hey poor people, did you try selling your iPhones?
North Korea just threatened John McCain for calling Kim Jon Un “crazy fat kid”. Everything is fine.
Number of new jobs in coal: 0
Jobs created in government positions for: Ivanka, Ivanka’s Husband Jared, Kellyanne Conway’s Husband in the DOJ. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? Everything is fine.
Russia. Seriously y’all I don’t know what’s going on, but everyone agrees that something is. Investigate. Report. Handle. I must admit “The Americans” is one of my favorite prime time shows right now. But I don’t like it enough to be all.. yea Russia it’s cool… Everything is fine.
The BBC reported more than 3,600 cases of measles in Italy and Romania and 17 measles related deaths. Anti-vaxxers, stop being D-bags at the expense of the health of your children and the children of others. Your selfishness will be your legacy. Everything is fine.
I recently started teaching a class that includes Arabic business strategy. If you want to become completely disillusioned with the state of humanity, I suggest you start teaching in depth study of the 22 Arabic nations. My flask from my prior blog post is now coming in handy. I used to think my race relations teacher at UMASS was an alcoholic… now I know why. Everything is fine. #Yemen
We did recently have a slight glimmer of hope amidst the land of half empty glasses. Democrat and Republican leaders stepped up to shoot down the repeal and replace of the Affordable Care Act, once it became clear that 24 million people would lose coverage. Now mind you, I’m one of the people who now pays twice as much for health insurance and has half the coverage. Even from this vantage point I still know that innocent Americans should not die so that I can have a lower copay %.
To those who disagree, what happened to “Take Care of Our Own First?” If you mean that, then prove it by supporting healthcare coverage for “our own”. If you don’t, then STFU for real and stop saying that. What you mean is Take Care of Our Own First As Long as It Doesn’t Affect Me. Put down your hot pocket and shut it. Everything is fine.
I’m going to be putting my house on the market in a month or so. My realtor (Hey Dave!) and I discussed the approximate value of the house. He’s more optimistic than me about what we can get for it. I’m trying to think positive, but I’m Gen X so that’s not really my jam. So, if it sells for something between what he thinks it’s worth and what I think it’s worth… after realtors fees and paying off the mortgage, I will have about $150 to spare. With that much leeway, what could go wrong?
Then when I sell I should easily be able to find the perfect home, in the perfect location, in my price range and have a closing the same week as my house sale closing. Right? If not, it will probably be incredibly easy for me to find a temporary rental for 2 adults, 2 children, 2 dogs, a cat and a beta fish. This should be very easy… and remember I’ll have that $150 to handle any unexpected expenses. Stay tuned! Everything is fine.
This has been a message from the Gold is From Aliens broadcast system. Stay Tuned for less political, but still likely sarcastic and pessimistic, upcoming posts from the life and times of Marie Christine.