Warning to my readers: This blog post is not cut from my usual sarcastic, Italian redneck, cloth. I almost didn’t post it because I thought it was too boring. Then I said you know what… F that I’m posting it. That said, I’ve got some typical-me posts coming so don’t worry. Just humor me with this one. You guys are the best.
Dear John… McCain
If you know me personally, you’ll assume “Dear John” is going to lead to a discussion on the ridiculous way I’ve handled the majority of my romantic relationships. Perhaps, with the permission of Not-Tom-Brady, I will actually write THAT blog at some point. This, however, is not THAT blog…
John Sidney McCain III was born in the Panama City Canal Zone on August 29, 1936.
He was a wrestler in high school and his nickname was “McNasty”. I love this. I am going to refer to him as McNasty from now on. Miss Jackson if you’re McNasty. Don’t let my heartfelt blog photo fool you, I’m not 100% on board here, but I’m not 100% off-board here, so there’s something to be said for that.
He graduated almost last in his class, 790th out of 795 students, at the US Naval Academy and was often disciplined for bad behavior. Oh McNasty is at it again!
He volunteered to serve in Vietnam in 1967 and became a naval aviator. During a bombing mission he ejected from his plane when it was hit by a missile. His plane was hit by a fu*king missile and he LIVED.
He got captured by the North Vietnamese. They treated his injuries upon learning that his father was a famous military commander. Because of his father’s position, they tried to release John early as leverage in their negotiations. John declined because there were others originally due to be released first. He refused to put his life before theirs. He was then transitioned into a full prisoner of war and was held in solitary confinement and tortured for 5 ½ years. Summary: He spent 5 1/2 years being f*cking tortured because it was the right thing to do. WTF! The rest of us are upset when the line at Starbucks is too long. I felt like I was going to lose my shit one time when I was stuck at the airport in Buffalo, NY for 7 hours in January. Yup, I’m a first class asshole for even beginning to whine about my 7 hour delay in a warm airport with Cinnabons.
“He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.” –Donald J. Trump
Thank you John McCain for being a good person, a logical person, a war hero, and for actually doing what you think is right. Note that I say “what you think”. I may not always agree with you John, but you have integrity, and thoughtfulness. This makes you a true leader. Even when I think you’re being a dick, at least you discuss your intent and thought process, which is usually good. I hate that I can’t hate you… just saying.
Humble: When you found out that Shawn Hatosy was playing you in the film version of your autobiography, you joked that Danny DeVito should have been cast instead.
Bravery: 5 ½ years of torture to save the lives of other people you didn’t even know.
Integrity: 9/22/17 He announced that he would once again vote against the repeal of the Affordable Care Act. This, in itself, was a selfless act. The logic behind it shows the integrity of the decision: “I believe we could do better working together, Republicans and Democrats and have not yet really tried. Nor could I support it without knowing… how many people will be helped or hurt by it”. – John McCain III
So what you’re telling us, John, is that you want to understand a law before it’s passed, and that you think it should hurt as few people as possible and help as many people as possible? Say what????!!!!!!! P.S. Hey executive branch, remember me, the one who got captured? I know you like people who didn’t get captured… how’s that working for you?
Stamina: The 9/22/17 stand was made at age 81, in the midst of chemotherapy and radiation treatments for cancer. He’s also been in 2 plane crashes! He makes me feel like the biggest p*ssy on the planet, right? I was exhausted recently because it took me a long time to get home from a trip to South Carolina. I suck.
Loyalty/Patriotism: Regarding his cancer diagnosis and treatment: “I am more energetic and more engaged as a result of this because I know that I’ve got to do everything I can to serve this country while I can.” When asked if his actions were a way of getting back at Donald Trump for his war hero comments he said “If I took offense at everybody who has said something about me, or disparaged me or something like that- life is too short. You’ve gotta move on. And on an issue of this importance to the nation, for me to worry about a personal relationship, then I’m not doing my job”.
So you mean that you put your country before your ego?! How dare you! Oh wait no that’s right, that’s what patriotic Americans do. Hint to Executive Branch: Take Notes.
He refuses to comment on statements made by Donald Trump because he says he changes his statements so often there’s essentially nothing to analyze. See what he did there? Add “smart” to the list. I wonder why he didn’t tell us how high his IQ is? Oh, probably because it’s a sign of someone who’s a moron.
Some accuse JM of not going far enough. He spoke out against Donald Trump’s actions on DACA “Dreamers” by calling the decision “wrong”. Is that enough? I guess his actions will remain to be seen. It sounds like he’s kicking all engagement up a notch. Get some popcorn, sit back and enjoy the show. Kick ass and take names McNasty!
I’m looking forward to seeing what his daughter, Meghan McCain, does now that she’s joined ABC’s The View as their newest conservative co-host. I have a sneaking suspicion that his children are more respectful and empathetic than aghem… you know… the children of the corn… I mean white corn… I mean white house.
The dude has 2 separate cancer diagnoses, lives through 5 ½ years of solitary confinement and torture and 2 plane crashes. For the love of Christ somebody study this guy’s DNA! Are he and Chuck Norris related????
Again John, thank you for your service to this county, and your continued theme of doing the right thing… except that one time