If you’re a liberal, you’re not going to like this post. If you’re a right winger you’re not going to like this post. If you’re a libertarian you’ll probably be ok with most of this post. If you feel like you keep trying to have a better life but it’s just not possible you will hate this post. This is what happens when I can’t blog a personal story I really should blog and just let everything else rip; consequences be damned… buckle up. Conservatives stick it out until the second half you’ll get your turn.
Greek yogurt is gross. I’m sorry but it is not a viable substitute for mayonnaise. In that same vain “zoodles” are not noodles. Please stop this madness and call it what it is. Gross low calorie white mush and zucchini strips.
If you’re not as successful as you want to be, it’s most likely because you aren’t trying hard enough. Life isn’t fair. Timing isn’t always good. But anyone can do better and do more. If you aren’t satisfied with your success in life you should just go on social media outlets and constantly complain and blame others. OR, crazy theory here, take the risks, do the work. If you don’t want to take the risks and do the work, that’s ok. But it’s not someone else’s fault, it’s yours. If you say there is nothing more you can do, that’s a lie. #AmbitionIsAChoice
No one cares if you have healthcare, they pretty much just care that they have healthcare. You are also they.
No one cares if you’re #blessed. Is it me or is the translation of this hashtag #MyLifeIsAPileOfShit
Don’t kid yourself, this is not a free country. But it’s for your own good… ?
- You have to wear a seat belt and sometimes a helmet.
- You can’t do cocaine.
- You can’t work without permission from your school until you’re 17.
- You can’t fish from any pond or river.
- The government has to decide whether or not you can carry a weapon.
- You only have one choice for a cable provider.
- I think unpasteurized milk is illegal???
- There’s a limit on how many dogs a residential address can contain.
- No going topless on beaches.
- The government puts a lien on your house if you don’t pay their taxes, the amount of which they decide for you.
- Roe vs. Wade is currently in jeopardy.
- You can’t deny someone a wedding cake even if you don’t want to make them one but you can deny them because of their political beliefs.. at least that’s where we were at the last I checked. (Hint: In a free country you can deny anyone for any reason because… freedom.. no gay wedding cake and no Sarah Huckabee Sanders eating overpriced chicken.)
- You can’t choose your public school.
- No shirt, no shoes, no service!
- The average wait time at the dmv is 2.7 hours.
- You can’t dig a well without permission… but you CAN have babies you can’t afford to take care of at least there’s that.
YOU ARE NOT FREE. You actions, possessions, children and future are controlled by your government. Having voted for that government does not make you free. #FreeNotFree Democracy does not = Freedom.
Debbie Downer alert
I’m addicted to Hot Bikram Yoga. It’s 106 degrees, 48% humidity and 90 minutes long. #BasicBen is the only person willing to listen to me talk about it every single day. #IDrankTheKoolAid This statement is not controversial (as far as I know) I just can’t stop talking about it so… here you go. #BringTowels
Refugees are people. Defined legality changes over time. God created all people as equals.
Why are people so upset about paper straws? I think the posts making fun of it are interesting. HA HA! You want to do something good for the world.. HAHA! Wait, doing good is… good.s. right? Not if someone on the other team does it… then we mock it, obviously. #NoGoodDeedGoesUnpunished
Gold is From Aliens
The USA borrows more money from other countries than any other country in the world. Translation: We get help from other countries far more than we help other countries. In fact, we rely in it to survive! If you truly want #AmericaFirst you would prioritize trade agreements and global diplomacy. This is how we survive. Oh… you have a better plan to block trade and build walls? Please explain the positive economic outcomes of this brilliant plan. Looking forward to your plan in 3…2…. Never because there isn’t one. #IntelligenceOverArrogance
This liberal bitch! Who the hell does she think she is? But wait, is she?… Nope, guess again! As evidenced by the following things that probably make liberal people super mad…
If you’re on food stamps or welfare and don’t need to be, fuck you. It’s not just stealing it’s even lazier than that. Are you capable of working but unwilling? Your family must be very proud. Your kids can’t wait to tell their friends and to also rely on welfare when they are older. What do you do for a living? Oh I live off of the productivity of other members of society and I’m very proud. It takes a lot of skill to be this much of an asshole.
Democratic Socialism does not work.*Signal Explosion Sound and Riots and Screaming*. My favorite is the new thing where there are a bunch of propaganda videos about sneaky Republicans trying to twist our brains into thinking socialism is bad using voodoo and scary predictions! Ok socialism sounds the nicest, I’ll buy that. But the scary predictions are actually real. Socialism IS possible. Democratic Socialism is LESS possible. Building either on an economy that is further in debt to other countries than any other country in the world is possible, but will be unsuccessful.
Want to spread the wealth? First we need to have wealth. Having wealth is not likely in our lifetimes, and based on our credit rating it will never be possible. So… go ahead, build the magical wonderland, and then watch our country fall into an abyss and get taken over by the Chinese… or aliens… whoever gets to us first, as we try to pretend debt is wealth and spread around our delusional debt-wealth-unicorn. Wow… I wonder if I can patent “debt-wealth-unicorn” for future reference? …
Adding “democratic” to socialism only changes the fact that the leader is voted on, the government still decides every-fucking-thing. You think you aren’t free enough now, wait until insert-any-name-here-because-it-doesn’t-matter gets into office. Government has the last word, you democratically voted that they do. God Bless. Given the fact that our country can’t even agree on climate change I’m pretty sure we can’t agree on a leader… who will split the debt-wealth-unicorn evenly so we can all enjoy the pretend fruits of it’s labor while we wait 3 years for our knee replacement from doctor last-in-her-class.
Insert visual of Not-Tom-Brady rolling his eyes muttering “Jesus Christ Not This Again”.
The only thing more “fair” than socialism is communism, and we see how that worked out. Life isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair in any economy. There ARE examples of successful socialism… please look into it and you’ll find 2 things. 1: They all started out pretty much debt free and full of cash flow. 2: They are starting to give up much of the original socialist ideals as the economy loses power through socialism itself. Then there are obvious examples of why it won’t work like Venezuela. You can talk about Finland but also have to talk about Venezuela. This isn’t a socialist cafeteria you can’t just pick the country that supports your side. “But you don’t understand democractic socialism”! My degrees are in Sociology and Economics. I live and breathe just this one topic every-mother-fucking-day. But yes… I didn’t pay close enough attention to Bernie’s last sound bite so you’re right… you win… you are amazing. #SocialMediaRuinsBrains
The University of Phoenix is a sub-par degree mill and hiring mangers do not take the “degree” seriously.
Speaking of higher education, want to know what is causing the completely bullshit cost of education right now? Obama’s not-so-genius idea to make loans accessible to anyone. But wait, how could something with such good intentions go so wrong? And if it’s true don’t tell us because we like to either love or hate politicians with NO EXCEPTIONS! Here’s the real economic reason this is happening… schools used to be forced to keep costs reasonable so that they would have customers (also known as students). Once everyone was able to have access to money for school, schools then began rapidly rising costs because their customer base was now virtually unlimited. SEE, even nice laws can have shit consequences. #ThanksObama!
Me when someone blames rising college tuition prices on capitalism
Unless you have some kind of biological disorder, your weight is under your control. You might not like what you have to do to control it, but it’s up to you bud. #TheTruthIsOutThere
We are in what’s called an economic bubble right now. Anyone who’d like to place a bet with me, $1 bet that Tariffs cause the next economic collapse. Spoiler alert: It’s coming sooner than you think! If you have a small skill set and find yourself often angry with others… you are not going to enjoy this. In the meantime enjoy your temporary sense of satisfaction that you’re punishing people who are different from us like those horrible Canadians and their beer and maple syrup! Take that maple leafs! #ByeeeeeeFirstWorldStatus
Madonna is not a good singer. Neither is Taylor Swift. But Taylor Swift seems like less of an asshole.
I don’t pledge allegiance to anything. Possibly fish tacos… but really I even stray from that from time to time. Pledging allegiance is the opposite of freedom, in case anyone wants to look up the definition of freedom it’s actually pretty clear. #GeorgeTakei OMG I love fish tacos so much.
Fixing Flint, Michigan. Obama: 0. Trump: 0. See also: Oil Pipelines in Native American Sacred ground.
Guns… want to know the truth? No one wants kids to die at school… and no one knows how to stop it.
The live Instagram videos… live from your middle schooler dressed like a 25 year olds bedroom.. step right up to see her act strange and record her own face over and over for a live feed of the coolest shit ever! … dear god no one cares, and if you are doing something interesting can we see what the actual thing is or are we to just watch it from a high angled down facing position on your face with the thing in the background? #Blessed Also can parents actually look at what their kids are posting? What in the what… Jesus Christ.
This is middle school. Gigi is in middle school. If she looked like the bottom left picture I would slap her iPad out of her hand. Parents: Seriously? Your daughters are counting on you to teach them to be successful adults. Children are children, do your fucking job and the world won’t suck as much.
Let’s go back to horses instead of cars so all of those poor blacksmiths can have their jobs back. Oh wait… #CleanCoal
What do cops, school teachers, cemetery groundskeepers and Colin Kaepernick all have in common? They all make America great. If that makes you sad, you are what the kids these days call a snowflake. Easily offended and politically correct… sad.
Cops are here to protect us but there are some assholes. Teachers are here to teach us but there are some assholes. Cemetery groundskeepers seem like good people but based on the fact that they prefer to work alone some are probably assholes. Colin Kaepernick took the advice of a white, military veteran and chose to kneel in front of god to express his frustration over years of police brutality against black men. If you don’t think police brutality against black men is real, I suggest you go back to living under a rock, that was covered by another rock covered by a very limited knowledge of how life in America can be.
You have struggles too hun we know. America has failed you in many ways as well, be ambitious, don’t accept it, take a knee on shitty jobs, deteriorating schools, domestic violence, drug addiction, anything that is hurting you. The flag is not a military veteran, it’s a flag representing a government who has helped you in some ways and failed you in others. When the failure harms your children, you will take a knee.
This is not a competition to see who is suffering the most. We identify suffering and we either try to stop it or we are part of the problem. Blame the victim? If that’s what helps you feel superior, go for it snowflake. I will take a knee in front of any flag if it will prevent our young black men from dying. #NikeRevenueUp31%
Ok folks I’ve got a Bikram torture chamber to go to, Nikes to buy, a Republican Governor to vote for #CharlieBaker, radical snowflakes to side-eye, flags to kneel in front of, an economic bubble to watch, college tuitions to save for and a possible fight for reproductive freedom to plan #RoeVsWadeForOurDaughters… you know where gold comes from.
The Warrior Pose – Not Bikram but still awesome