Permanent Record…

2 blog posts in one week?! It’s Christmas in August! Actually, my youngest daughter is away at 4H overnight camp. Let’s just say that there are very few things that create any emotion in the brain of Marie Christine, but Gigi is one of them. If I don’t stay completely occupied I drift off into thoughts of her lying in her cabin bed at night, cold, terrified and crying out for us. So, “lucky” you get a double blog week as I try to stay occupied.  Hooray!

Let’s talk about the fact that anything we say or do today is pretty much a permanent record.  Thanks to the internet, screen shots, texts, emails, Facebook, you name it. The internet always remembers. Your ex-girlfriend always remembers (ha). I can’t even imagine some of the things that I said when I was younger…. Heck even last week.  I do know two things.  1. I thank god every day that there was no internet when I was in my 20’s.  Thank you kind and merciful Jesus.  2. I’m deliberate about what I put out there now… mostly… except when I drink and blog when my daughter is crying in a dark theoretical cabin.

If you are easily offended (are the cool kids calling that a “snowflake” now? I’m confused…) you should stop reading here. Real talk… engage.

Tomi Lahren, TV personality and…? Not sure what else.  You all know I don’t like radicals.  Left radicals, right radicals… I don’t like you. Radicals start wars, not productive revolutions like they think they do.  Their egos are their driving forces, which is the opposite of revolutionaries, k?  Since Tomi’s so young I actually feel sorry for her. Her legacy is going to be embarrassing, at best, and isolating at least. As a mother I want to have a side bar like hun, we need to talk, this is the ghost of Christmas future and future you has some bad habits and some pretty major hair loss issues so…

After Jesse Williams’ speech at the BET awards she said:

“If the [black] victim ended up being unarmed, it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.” Tomi Lahren

So… any black person who doesn’t have a gun has either tried, or thought about trying, to obtain one? Oh hellllllllllllll no. Tomi, a shit-ton of women out there are pretty, you need to come up with something else… tick tock goes your clock. Permanent Record.

When asked about Climate Change:

“I talk to a lot of Democrats about that. They’re like, ‘But it’s freezing, and then it’s hot!’ And I’m like, ‘Yeah it’s called weather. That’s what happens.”  Tomi Lahren

I feel sorry for her that in Douche-Town USA wherever she went to high school they didn’t teach them the difference between climate and weather, and that maybe her mother (guessing here) gets all of her news updates from her Sorority Newsletter. Second, you aren’t talking to a lot of democrats, and if you did none of them said that. That was from a dream you had where people thought you were smart.  You’re awake now hun.  Science 1, Tomi 0 on the Permanent Record.

permanent jk tomi

JK Rowling Slays Twitter. Follow her if you want to see magic comebacks.

 

permanent war on xmas

Tomi takes on the real issues…

Real Talk: Melania Trump… just kidding. That poor woman has been through enough.  Although Melania, if you’re reading this the scowl at the inauguration speech and the deplane hand-slap will live on forever.  I hope your husband doesn’t have you deported when you leave him, but you might want to start planning just in case. Deplane hand slap: Permanent Record… thank you.

Hillary Clinton: Oh Hillary… I believe HC is brilliant. I hope she continues to have a role in politics. She has devoted her life to public service.  I think a lot of politicians forget that they are public servants.  But public service goes out the mother fricken window when you’re a woman scorned. Regarding her husband’s infidelity…

“Who is going to find out? These women are trash. Nobody’s going to believe them.” Hillary Clinton

The old “she’s trash” argument is about as anti-feminist as you can get.  Get your shit together on this one HC. Remember the other women were also women scorned, and your response is on permanent record. Judge not lest ye be judged. Also just NO.

permanent nope

For Paul Ryan I’m not going to use a quote to express the permanency of the internet.  Rather a couple of photos. Remember these marketing photos from his run for VP with Mitt Romney? I do. They are still priceless.  He will have them to treasure when he retires and moves back to Fraggle Rock.

File this under: Things you can’t un-see

Jeff Sessions.  Tough to pick a favorite here.  When asked about the KKK in the 1980’s he said:

The KKK “…were OK until I found out they smoked pot.” Jeff Sessions

“Good people don’t smoke marijuana.” Jeff Sessions

Ok so I don’t smoke pot (although I have in the past a few times). Which is too bad since it’s legal to smoke, grow and sell where I live. I’m more of a booze person, as previously heavily referenced.  That said, he may not regret this statement but it’s just stupid. I also love it that pot is what turned him off from the KKK. He could let go the lynching, but at pot… the line was DRAWN. Permanent Record Kermit.

Let’s not leave out our celebrity friends (simmer down y’all I’ll get to Trump in a minute I swear… stay seated and do not panic).  Here are some fun ones:

“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet”. David Beckham

When asked which newspapers she reads “Most of em, All of ‘em, and any of ‘em that have been in front of me over all these years.” Sarah Palin

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” Brooke Shields

“Stretchmarks are my biggest fear of life”. Kim Kardashian

Now for our finale if you will. Imagine if presidential succession was a fireworks display, we would be so AMPED with this finale!  I’m assuming the world ends during this presidency, hence the finale.  Let us begin:

Photos from November 2020 during the election.

 

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body” Donald Trump

If you haven’t read the back story on this, you must.  About 30 years ago, the co-editor of Spy Magazine, Graydon Carter, called Trump a “short-fingered vulgarian”.  As per usual, Donald is unable to get past it (a key leadership quality). For years Carter states that he still gets envelopes from Trump with photos of him, circling his hands in comparison to others as proof that this insult is not true.  This story is fascinating.  The quote above is both confusing and entertaining.  PERMANENT RECORD, thankfully for us.

Trump believes exercise is bad for people. I can’t even… so feel free to read one of the many articles on it: Click Here to see the worst excuse anyone has ever given to avoid exercise

permanent grab

 

“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” Donald Trump

permanent take that

Oh yes, give me some of that Spanx restricted big belly. They were ALL into you, and everyone knows it.

“My IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.” Donald Trump

“Despite the constant negative press covfefe” Donald Trump

“Eventually we’re going to get something done and it’s going to be really, really good.” Donald Trump

permanent fox screen shot

Award for best Fox News Alert statement ever?

“Look at my African American over here!” Donald Trump at a campaign rally June 3, 2016.  

“There has to be some form of punishment…” Donald Trump on women who have abortions.

permanent trophy

Finally, an attack on the Pope… is anyone out of scope?

“For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful. I am proud to be a Christian. If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which everyone knows is ISIS’ ultimate trophy, I can promise you at the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been the President because this would not have happened.” Donald Trump in response to this quote from Pope Francis: “a person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian”.

Soooo much to say here.  First, Donald is saying that the Pope is wrong about interpreting who/what defines Christianity.  I’m not super knowledgeable here but isn’t that the Pope’s primary gig? Like for the entire planet?  Second, don’t you love people who refer to themselves in the third person? I know I do. Hey Not-Tom-Brady, Marie Christine would like grilled cheese for dinner tonight, ok?

I’ve also found out, according to about 10 minutes of research, that the following people/groups are Losers.  I can only imagine how enlightened I would be if I kept looking!  Please read so that you won’t accidently relate to, or worse yet become, a loser, especially one on permanent record…

Erick Erickson, Rosie O’Donnell, Sheen Monnin, People without egos, George Will, Online magazine “Salon”, Tim O’Brien, Roger Stone, Richard Belzer, Michael Forbes, Glenfiddish Scotch, Karl Rove, Lord Sugar, Gradydon Carter, Bill Maher, Angelo Carusone, Mark Cuban, Ana Navarro, Michelle Malkin, Danny Zuker, Elderly women who sue him, People who tweet he wears wigs, Alex Salmond, Seth Meyers, Paul Goldberger, Frank Luntz, Russell Brand, Jonah Goldberg, Charles Krauthammer, John McCain and  Chuck Todd are all Losers.

What’s the saddest thing about the fact that we are spiraling into a pre-apocalyptic nightmare?  Consensus is that this all happened because of One. Single. Dinner.  As evidenced here: For once it’s actually true THANKS OBAMA!

Click Here for New Yorker Article

Click Here for Video

permanent thanks obama

Straight Outta Woo-Town

 

If you read my last blog post, you know that I recently moved.  I’ve moved many, many, MANY times, but this time was the most drastic change and the hardest worked for.

After 10 years and about a hundred thousand dollars in expenses and mortgage payments, I was able to sell this June. YAY!  I was even able to make some money on the sale (Thanks Dave! Sorry I panicked and tried to convince you to lower the price.  You were right, I was wrong… you are smart and I’m stupid.)

We ended up having to replace the entire sewer line.  It was incredibly expensive and stressful… after our 2nd sewage back up in 2 weeks of purchase. Thanks to Dave we were able to use the proceeds to pay for it. I never realized how exhilarating flushing a toilet without fear could be. Who knew?

straight lawn 1

Nothing to see here.  This is all totally normal. 

We moved from Worcester to a country town about a half hour outside the city. I wouldn’t call it a suburb.  It’s a working class area that has been hard hit by the continuous loss of working class jobs.  I like to think we are doing our part for the community having immediately injected about 30K into the local economy through our many post-move catastrophes.  You’re welcome!

straight money

Makin’ it Rain!  Until the money is gone… so… now.

Worcester is the 2nd largest city in New England. It’s known for its booming restaurant and art scenes, and also for a lot of crime and deteriorating schools.  I always liked the city, and I will continue to visit often.

New-Town is different.  I told a friend before we left that we were moving with the hillbillies, but that’s ok because I’m a former hillbilly and still speak fluent hillbilly. He responded “It’s Massachusetts hillbillies, so…”.  True.  Massachusetts hillbillies are… different. I’ve also noticed that the distinction between a hillbilly and a redneck appears to have disappeared post-Trump Presidency.  Or maybe it was before and I just wasn’t paying close enough attention? At this point I’m unable to self-describe.  Am I a current or former hillbilly? Current or former redneck? I’m just going to check off all of the boxes and call it a day.  TBH that’s probably accurate.

straight thinking

Immediately I noticed that everyone here is wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  Seriously, almost every single person. Other options appear to be gym shorts that basketball players wear and pajamas.  As people came to the house to help us with various service needs, I tried to wear the jeans and t-shirt uniform, so as not to be discovered as a city slicker who’s too big for my britches.    It seemed to work!  Mostly.

Things NOT to do if you want to go undetected:

  • Wear all black
  • Wear $400 Burberry Sunglasses (even if you bought them at a silent auction for charity. That actually makes it worse)
  • Take down the American flag the prior owner left on the house
  • Go for walks wearing matching fitness clothing
  • Carry Trader Joe’s Bags into the house during daylight hours
  • Resting Bitch Face
  • Mention politics, even in passing
  • Read a book in public (unless it’s to children)
  • Ask what kind of bourbon/wine a restaurant has, just order Makers’ Mark/House Merlot
  • Do not blare “Straight Outta Compton” because you love it or because it’s ironic
  • Tell the sewer line replacement guy “fine whatever it costs” after getting a $10,700 quote.
  • Complain about only having 25K in your 401k at age 45 (Hint: A lot of people have NONE, k miss fancy pants city slicker?!)

Things TO do if you want to go undetected:

  • Forget you have bed slippers on when you go to pick up Applebee’s take out and go in anyway
  • Be very clear that you have dogs and love all dogs
  • Ask people about their lives even if they are cleaning sewage from your basement
  • Smile when people walk by
  • Don’t cover up your tattoo(s)
  • Sigh really loudly when you say you left Worcester to point out how relieved you are
  • Mow the lawn with a push mower
  • Wait a year to buy a snow blower. Not just because you’re out of money but as further evidence that you aren’t a damn fat cat city slicker
  • Get supplies at Walmart.  It’s cheap. It’s 5 minutes away. Target is an hour away, get over it.
  • Hide your mosquito magnet, even though you want to tell everyone about it.
  • Eat all of your DQ fries before you even get back home (less than a 2 minute drive)
  • Stare at your garbage disposal in wonder every time you use it… this thing is magical!

straight mosquito

Dear mosquito magnet. I love you so…

There are awesome things here like tons of farms where you can buy fresh food.  We went grocery shopping last night and couldn’t bring ourselves to buy tomatoes and eggs at Big Y (no offense Big Y you’re awesome buddy!) because we knew we could get them fresh from a local farm.  We also found a farm that has milk and a bunch of pre-made stuff right from their place like shepards pie, pulled pork and chicken pot pie.  Take that Worcester!

I will admit that when I take my daughter into the city for her voice lessons we stock pile Chinese take-out to bring back to our hillbilly Shangri-La.

straight chinese

When the take out lady at Nancy Chang asks if you’re having a party because your order is for like 20 people and there are only 2 of you standing there…

So far we are happy here.  I feel most comfortable living in a working class community.  That’s not a huge surprise considering that’s how I grew up.  I feel like I can be myself… even with the Burberry Sunglasses.  I can adjust to wearing all black only SOME of the time and can definitely get used to DQ fries and fresh eggs. Resting bitch face may be harder to let go since it’s… well…. My face.

One thing though…. Is it me or is this landscaping at the local cemetery WAYYYY too creepy.  What the frig is happening with the corpses in that cemetery? What is happening to them that would make them cry out for help in this insanely disturbing way?

straight pray

Nothing creepier than all hell going on here. 

Dear readers… have I waited long enough to post about politics or are we ready for some real talk?

straight kermit

We Both Wear Spanx… and other things I have in common with Donald Trump

 

You’re probably thinking to yourself, what could Marie Christine possibly have in common with Donald Trump? Well, the outspoken Werther’s Original and I actually have some unexpected overlap in interests, beliefs and activities.

– We both think we are right most of the time.

– We watch Saturday Night Live religiously.

– We agree that we want term limits for local and state government officials.

– We both wear Spanx, although he wears them far more often than me, from what I can tell.

– We would both be horrified if the people we work with saw our medical records.

– We don’t like leaving the house without make-up on.

– Neither of us was in the military.

– Related: We both avoided the draft during the Vietnam War (although for me it was because I was an infant)

– We LOVE us some fried chicken. Any day, anytime.

– Neither of us knows how to use Twitter properly, yet we keep trying, and continue to embarrass ourselves.

– We want restrictions on the impact of lobbyists on public policy.

– Neither of us did any due diligence in researching Michael Flynn’s credentials before he was hired. (Whoopsie)

– We make up nicknames for people we dislike.

– We are REALLY bad at geography.

– We love NYC.

– We binge watch TV in a bathrobe while everyone else is asleep.

But… only ONE of us knows where gold comes from.

wo

I’m not married to Tom Brady

I met my husband online.  On our 3rd or 4th date he told me that people often think he’s Tom Brady.  I laughed…   Loudly.  In my opinion,  he looks nothing like Tom Brady.  I will agree they are the same height and have a similar smile and jawline… but sorry honey, no.  I was thinking to myself, okay, what have I gotten myself into?  Maybe this guy is a little off.

As the weeks and months progressed, to my surprise, there was a fairly constant stream of people actually thinking he MIGHT be Tom Brady.  Everyone from random people on social media, to my daughter’s entire kindergarten class, who actually believed he was trying to avoid the press by using a different name.  This forces him to give me this “Told you so!” look.  I should mention we live not-so-far from the New England Patriots stadium and training camps.  

One time I was in line getting popcorn at the Showcase Cinema as he stood in front of a Lord of The Rings poster getting his picture taken.  The woman behind me in line whispered to her friend “Is that Tom Brady?”… then they slowly made their way toward said picture taking.

The real You’ve-Got-To-Be-Kidding-Me moment came when I uploaded my first picture of us onto Facebook.  If you’ve ever used Facebook, you’re familiar with auto-tagging, where Facebook guesses who is in the picture and tries to tag that person for you.  It’s usually your sister or former classmate who is on your friends list or someone you have in common.  You know what’s coming… Facebook auto-tagged my husband as “Tom Brady”.  Despite the fact that Tom Brady is probably 50 lbs heavier than him, I had to give him this one.

I’m ready for Tom Brady to stop being famous now so I can move on with my life.  If you’re wondering why I haven’t included my husband’s picture here, it’s because I just can’t face the “Told you so!” as he reads through your comments confirming the likeness.

Oddly, no one ever thinks I’m Gisele… hmmmm.

I figured we should spend ONE day with ONE blog that doesn’t discuss the details of the country’s impending doom.   Stay tuned… we will be getting real shortly folks.  Gold is From Aliens.

Why is Gold valuable?

As someone who loves economics, I’m not only intrigued by socioeconomic phenomena, but also investigating why certain things have value.  Why do some people desire certain things over others?  Gold is potentially the most intriguing, in that the desire for it is almost universal.

Why is Gold valuable?????

1. The usual go-to explanation is the universal desire for it.  Anything that is this popular, just inherently has value.  (yawn).

2. It reflects infrared radiation.  Huh…. interesting, but not really INTRIGUING.

3. It has many uses in manufacturing,from teeth to towers.  Interesting, yes… thought provoking? Not really.

4. It’s the most malleable (it can be pressed permanently out of shape without breaking or cracking) and ductile (able to be drawn out into a thin wire).  Ok, this is VERY cool.  No wonder everyone loves this stuff.

5. It looks pretty.  Never underestimate the value of beauty.

6. Other than noble gases, this is pretty much the least reactive thing on earth.  Interesting, but not anything to scream from a rooftop.

7. Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for.  The real reason gold is so valuable.  Gold is…. wait for it…. waaaaiiiit fooor iiiit…  NOT FROM EARTH.  Seriously folks, we have no idea where it’s from but we know it’s not from fricking EARTH.  Clearly, you know where I believe it’s from.  So if you happen to be wearing some gold right now, who knows what someone, or something, was doing with it a bajillion years ago.   Planet Surface - Elements of this Image Furnished by NASA